Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Managing Schizoaffective Disorder

For whatever it is worth, I just want to say that this disorder can be managed, or maybe overcome for good.

I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder in 2001 and never had a major relapse since. I do have some major stressful events that I thought I am about to crack, but I managed to control my illness.

I have been productive for over a decade now, most of it without any medication at all. I think the key "trick" is to know yourself and identify the things that would possibly trigger or lead to a relapse.

Listen to your body signals. My key indicator is that if I am not able to sleep for more than 5 days, I am likely to have relapse. So I try me best to do something about it.. I even try sleeping pills, as last resort.

It is challenging most of the time.. Specially on days when you get depressed and you don't find any reason at all to get depressed.

It is also hard to focus on any task, more specifically on my job as a home-based software developer. There are times when my mind is highly creative and it just feels like I can solve any software problem that comes my way. And then there are days, or even weeks and months, when I can't solve anything at all.

Well, what else can i say? That's life, for me

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Singtel Mobile Broadband on Linux

After several months of attempting to get Singtel Mobile Broadband Modem working on linux, i finally got it working.

  1. I installed gnome-ppp (kppp would do as well)

  2. i ussued the command as root:

    this is to detect which device your usb modem is using (e.g. /dev/ttyUSB0)

  3. Adjust the setting on gnome-ppp for the device (/dev/ttyUSB0 - depends on what device is detected when you run wvdialconf

  4. Init2: ATQ0 V1 E1 S0=0 &C1 &D2 +FCLASS=0

  5. Init 3: AT+CGDCONT=1,"IP","internet"

  6. Phone number: *99#

  7. Username: dummy password: dummy

  8. Once the modem is connected and already has dns, issue the command on root
    cp /etc/ppp/resolv.conf /etc

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Circle of Innocence

I am learning photography. I took this shot near my apartment in cebu.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Psychologists and light bulbs

Interesting quote:
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Here comes my challenge: in my circle of family and friends, I am told that light can be seen at the center. I have been turning my back against the light, thus seeing only my shadow. If I turn towards the light, my shadow is behind me and I can see my circle of family and friends standing with me amd the light is shining on everyone.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Metanoia and Schizoaffective Disorder

You'd recognize something if you have already seen it before. You'd know the place and find some traces if you have been there at some point in time. No matter how hard you try to repress your memory of it, it will still come back to haunt you and it chooses its own time.

In 2001, I was in third year college when a doctor diagnozed me with schizoaffective disorder. My episode lasted for 2 months. I saw shadows moving around. I heard voices that nobody else can hear. And I saw snipers hiding behind coconut trees. Eventually, I jumped off into the waters at the city wharf and walked home barefoot on the concrete road, leaving my identity (wallet, driver's license and school ID) behind me.

It seemed like it was a very long time ago. I have moved on with my life, getting myself as busy as I possibly could. And I successully got rid of medications for 6 years and function normally in the society.

But good people leave lasting impressions. They are the ones who give you inspiration and help you define your own life. Unfortunately for me, they can also become a curse. The people who helped me overcome my illness are the same people who can remind me of those dark and disturbing moments.

I have relapsed, my first in 7 years. But like what Carl G Jung said, I would like to see this episode as a process of reforming the psyche in a form of self healing.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Newly ordained classmate Claretian Priests

Me, Peter de Guzman, Fr. Gilbert Quinano CMF, Alvin Macaranas

Me, Peter de Guzman, Fr. Efren Limpo CMF, Fr. Gilbert Quinano CMF, Michael Gonzales

The ordination mass was celebrated at Claret Parish, UP Village, Quezon City. The reception was held at Claret High School.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Survey Dry Run at Fataldao, Brgy San Jose, General Santos City

This is the second day of the PDMS Survey training. We went to Purok Fataldao in Brgy San Jose to interview homepartners.

This time is different from the previous survey projects we have conducted. Instead of the field interviewers going house to house, the homepartners were all gathered at the local chapel. After their regular meeting with DSWD, the interview started right were they sat.

I just have a feeling that we are starting the project right. We have 10 interviewers and 5 supervisors to monitor them. At the moment a supervisor sees doubtful data, the questionnaire is given back right away to the interviewer and clarify the data.

A new customization is need to the PDMS software as we must accomodate cultural aspect of the survey. We need to think about a strategy in the software to link separate households who have one father, as is common to muslim culture they call "duaya".

This is a day of hardwork for everybody.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Build for Peace in Mindanao

I took a slow boat from Bohol last night at 10.30pm and arrive cebu at 2.30am. I met my long time friend and classmate Jeffrey Real on the boat. He was lucky to have a cot while i just slept on the bench. I rise up sometimes to watch segment of all 3 Blade movies being shown in the entire ship.

I just stayed in the boat until 6.00am. I met Tony Irving at Mactan Airport.

We were met by Mr. Butch Batilong ang Mr. Boyet Macorol in General Santos Airport just in time for lunch.

We start the household survey component of Build for Peace in Mindanao Project on my 29th birthday (today)!

Monday, February 12, 2007


Kumakain kami sa "Payag" restaurant sa Bohol kasama ang isang kaibigan kong babae. Alam niya na mahilig na talaga ako sa music ni Bamboo going back to the old Rivermaya days.

Sinabi niya na napaunod niya si Bamboo habang nag-promote ng "bagong" album sa ASAP kaninang tanghali. Inisip ko naman, kung may bago na album na si Bamboo, bakit di ko alam? Tinanong ko siya kung ano ang kinanta ni Bamboo. Sabi niya di niya ma-alala ang melody pero ang pamagat ay "Tatsulok".

Ang unang pumasok sa isip ko ay ang bandang Buklod. Tinanong ko siya, ganito ba ang lyrics: ... habang may tatsulok, at sila ang nasa tuktok, hindi matatapos itong gulo....

Hindi ko halos mapaliwanag ang saya ko -at lungkot- nang malaman ko na naging mainstream na ang isa sa mga pinakapaborito kong kanta.

Lalo akong sumaya ng malaman ko na si Bamboo ang nag-revive. Kahit noong panahon na iyon, di ko pa narinig ang version ni Bamboo, dama ko na rin ang lungkot. Malungkot ako kasi alam kong, wala nang makapaggawa ng version ng Tatsulok na mas maganda pa sa orihinal na Buklod.

Lalo din akong naging malungkot baka gawin na lang na isang "fashion statement" ito ng music crowd ngayon. Pero ako'y kontento na rin sa pagkaggawa ni Bamboo ng version niya na hindi masyadong "sold out" o "pop" ang dating. Ako namay saludo pa rin sa artistic taste ni Bamboo. Masaya ako ng malaman ko na "we have something in common" with Bamboo - pareho naming gusto ang kantang "Tatsulok"

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Monday, October 02, 2006

Solomon Islands is 3 hours ahead of Manila.
This is my third day since our dramatic entrance to this country. We are here for a 25 day project that involves an interview of 150 household, of which their profile would be stored on a computer database.
This project has been implemented in the entire province of Bohol, Philippines. Then it was replicated in East Timor for Habitat for Humanity Home Partners. Now, UNDP wants this project replicated in Solomons. Isabel Province is chosen for the pilot phase.
Tony Irving, the lead developer of the Poverty Database and Monitoring Software is finalizing his codes. Fernando Camba who is connected with tne National Economic and Development Authority of the Philippines is presenting DevInfo 5.0 to Zakir Hussain, UNDP Project Consultant in Isabel Province, Solomon Islands.
Maria Paz Espiritu is revising our schedule since we arrived late and will leave earlier than expected. I have just finished a siginificant part of the PDMS Software's Manual.

Thursday, April 20, 2006


I left Timor Leste at 2:00 pm. Emotions were palpable but barely shown. It's better that way. I enjoyed my 3 1/2 month tenure as a database consultant. I arrived here in Singapore airport at 10:30pm. My connecting flight to Manila will be tomorrow at 8:45 am. It's my second time travelling alone abroad, but this is the first time I am on a transit travel alone. I guess I have to hang around for the night, else, i will sleep on the chairs....

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Fr. Cyrus Banque, CMF

6:00 pm, after helping Mr. Butch Batilong create a new Blog, I called up Father Cyrus Banque, CMF and confirmed our appointment at 7:00pm.

I arrived 30 mins late. Father Cyrus was waiting for me at the porch in Claret House and talking to a Poliklinik Sister. He gave the Sister a ride home to her convent in Bebunok, near a primary school and I went with them. We then proceeded to Balide Parish to drop a letter and drove straight to Little Padang Restaurant, and Indonesan-owned restaurant along the coastal road in Dili, East Timor.

This is my first meeting with Father Cyrus in person. I saw his picture before, on the internet when he was interviewed by the press about the conflict an Bobonaro, near the Timor Leste-Indonesa border.

We talked about things back at home in the Philippines, and things back at Claret Seminary in Quezon City. I didn't get to meet him during my college days in the seminary at Sanville.

Father Cyrus has been living among the Timorese for eight years. The way Alfonso talks about Father Cyrus shows how much the Timorese love this Filipino Missionary. Alfonso has been working for 5 years with the Claretians but he has been working with Father Cyrus for the past two years only.

He is the director for Justice and Peace Commission, Dili Diocese and has given seminar with the theme Promoting healing in divided communities. He has worked with the peace and reconciliation program established by the United States-based Catholic Relief Services after East Timor’s first democratic elections in 2001.

"The country is under pressure. Do we want justice? Or do we want economic stability? This is a tough dilemma."

- Fr. Cyrus Banque

Father Rick Solomon, also Claretian Missionary who comes from Bohol, did missionary work here until he got sick with malaria and was paralyzed. He is now living with his parents' house in Antequera, Bohol

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Household Interviews in Dili, East Timor

After the workshop on household interview in Dili, East Timor, the enumerators proceeded to do actual interview with 2 households..

Pak Orlando da Costa supervising the Enumerators

Natalino Soares supervising the enumerators