Circle of Innocence

I am learning photography. I took this shot near my apartment in cebu.

Psychologists and light bulbs

Interesting quote:

Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

Metanoia

Here comes my challenge: in my circle of family and friends, I am told that light can be seen at the center. I have been turning my back against the light, thus seeing only my shadow. If I turn towards the light, my shadow is behind me and I can see my circle of family and friends standing with me amd the light is shining on everyone.

Metanoia and Schizoaffective Disorder

You'd recognize something if you have already seen it before. You'd know the place and find some traces if you have been there at some point in time. No matter how hard you try to repress your memory of it, it will still come back to haunt you and it chooses its own time.

In 2001, I was in third year college when a doctor diagnozed me with schizoaffective disorder. My episode lasted for 2 months. I saw shadows moving around. I heard voices that nobody else can hear. And I saw snipers hiding behind coconut trees. Eventually, I jumped off into the waters at the city wharf and walked home barefoot on the concrete road, leaving my identity (wallet, driver's license and school ID) behind me.

It seemed like it was a very long time ago. I have moved on with my life, getting myself as busy as I possibly could. And I successully got rid of medications for 6 years and function normally in the society.

But good people leave lasting impressions. They are the ones who give you inspiration and help you define your own life. Unfortunately for me, they can also become a curse. The people who helped me overcome my illness are the same people who can remind me of those dark and disturbing moments.

I have relapsed, my first in 7 years. But like what Carl G Jung said, I would like to see this episode as a process of reforming the psyche in a form of self healing.